Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
