I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
