I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
