uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
