I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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