you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
