Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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