Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
