Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
