he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize