i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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