between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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