i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
