my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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