I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
