I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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