Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
