Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
