So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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