you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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