Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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