Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
