omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
