i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
