well I can't set my house on fire every night
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
