champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
