my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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