i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
