I accidentally burped into my bong.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
