I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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