I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
