You made me cry and you don't even care
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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