I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
