she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
