Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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