i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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