Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
one might say we're banned from that church
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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