Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
