he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
