your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
