Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
