we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
