I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
