yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
