Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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