Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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