I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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