Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
