Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
