Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
