I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
