I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
