I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
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he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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