I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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