Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
