I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She told me I should be a condom model.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
