Im at strip club and am horny
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
