I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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