i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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