Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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