You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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