Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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