i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
