True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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