Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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