I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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