You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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