just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
